school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
