____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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