Will you blow on my dice?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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