I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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