he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
