I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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