pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
