About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
