i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
