Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
