You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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