Someone shit on the floor
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
