Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
