You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
