Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
