I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
