I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
