I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
