everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
