Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
