hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
