It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
