i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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