I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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