Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
