It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
