True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
