I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do herpes really smell.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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