the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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