JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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