After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
