She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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