Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
