I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
