Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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