I bet he comes in French.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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