Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
