when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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