3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
