I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize