To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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