those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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