just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
