So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
