you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
