I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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