I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
