Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
