Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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