Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
