I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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